Love *a late night looksie at my very hippy-like thoughts on the issue*

I have been thinking about love a lot lately.
I have turned the word in all it's forms over and over in my head, and thought long and hard about every aspect that I can to relate to this very loaded, and often miss-used word.

As embarrassing as it is for me to admit, I honestly think Snow Patrol got it right with the lyrics,
"Those three words are said too much, and not enough."

I, like most others, have spent a great deal of time mulling over what it takes to make the love in a relationship strong and long lasting. What ingredients, and what thought patterns must be in place for a long term relationship to last, and for the love to continue growing into the beautiful ball of light that everybody craves?

It occurred to me, that before you look at romantic love, it is best to start with love in it's purest, simplest form.
While I love my family and closest friends fiercely, I am choosing to focus on the love I have for my children for the purpose of this piece.

Children are incredible. They allow you to feel every emotion possible; from that warm, safe feeling of adoration that wraps around you like a blanket, to the gut wrenching pain of seeing them sick or hurt, and not being able to help. From elated joy and pride at any and all their achievements, to utter frustration and exhaustion when they missbehave and simultaneously push all your buttons.

When you think about it, they really are the ultimate mix-bag of feelings.
But we love them. We love them with all that we are. Mother's find the strength to lift cars from off of their toddlers, and fathers that have long forgotten how to emote openly, rediscover the simple joys of tea parties and dress ups.
I love my children so much, that I miss them the second they leave to visit their Dad.
Even when I am exhausted. Even when they have been absolute brats all day, my heart sinks the minute they walk out the door.
I love them as individuals, and as a part of myself. There is nothing they could ever do to lose my love.
Even at their worst, and continuing long into hitting their "I hate you Mum!" teen years, I will never stop loving them.
When they are naughty or disobedient, after everything is discussed and any consequences applied, I forgive them. I always tell them in exactly these words - "I forgive you. I love you."
There is never a part of me that thinks 'this is the last time. You've pushed me too far! I can't do this anymore!' or a part that just gives up and gives out, and ceases to feel that glorious warmth around my heart. I forgive them easily and quickly because I love them.

When it comes to friends, ex-friends and even ex spouses, I have often been told that I forgive too easily, that I am a pushover. But what people don't seem to grasp is that the act of forgiveness is the easiest thing for me to do, because it is the best thing for me to do.
What is the alternative? To remain angry? Jaded? To allow despair or hatred to consume you? Would you rather have thoughts of a negative/hateful/self loathing nature crowding your mind, or instead have those of tolerance/forgiveness/acceptance and experience filling your thoughts?
Forgiveness doesn't mean agreeing with what the person has done to you. It does not mean condoning their actions. It means you allow yourself to let go of any misery, because those types of feelings will not do you any good. Misery and hatred breed more of the same, and this can only attract more people with negative qualities into your life. I don't know about you, but I much prefer to surround myself with caring, incredible, loving beings.

But back to my children. I always forgive them. I forgive them swiftly, and then I let it go. I do not hold onto frustration or resentment. I discuss the issue and come to a conclusion, and then I release it. And then I always reinforce all of this with vocalizing my love for them.
To be honest, I now do the same with my closet friends. Whenever there is a disagreement or a fight, both parties will talk everything through, and then once everything that needs to be discussed has been discussed, I tell them I love them. And I do not use the words lightly  - I mean them.
It is no exaggeration to say that for these people, I would take a bullet. They have shown me nothing but support, kindness and love over the years of our friendships, and I see them more as family then merely friends.

So, this lead me to wonder, if we all (for the purposes of this piece, I am assuming everyone has a mind that works the same as mine) forgive, and then reinforce love with our children and our nearest and dearest, why then do we not offer the same to our lovers?

In my past relationships there have been countless times when I have refused to talk things over after a fight. I have chosen to stew in all my own anger, or even to completely shut my partner out and talk to everybody else about what I should do. I talked to every other person, except the one person who I should have been talking to. I have dragged out fights, and slept on the couch for weeks. I have been intentionally nasty, vindictive and spiteful, just to hurt the other person so they would feel what I felt.
Is it really a surprise that this behavior yielded nothing but more sorrow?

I used to think that romantic love was somehow completely different from other forms of love.
I knew the infatuation stage was only a prelude of course, but I truly thought that everything else that followed was utterly unique.
It isn't. It is exactly the same, and I have come to believe that when you treat it as such, it will continue to grow into a beautiful force that will so envelope you, and all those around you, that you can't even fathom why you had got it so wrong in the beginning.

I used to think that love was finding someone who was perfect. They would have all the incredible qualities that you look for in a partner; they would be respectful and kind, they would laugh at all your jokes, compliment you perfectly in the bedroom, and only see the good in you.
You would never have a real fight, because you both loved each other so much. They knew you were perfect, and you knew they were perfect, so it would never be an issue! You would live in bliss, because you were both just that awesome.
This relationship couldn't possibly fail, because unlike every other partner you'd had in the past, this one wasn't a dickhead. It was simple! It was also, of course, complete bollocks.

I realize now, that love in the romantic sense should be handled with the same patience and care as love for a child. Talk about any problems. Talk openly, freely, and without malice. Be truthful when you are hurting. Be truthful when you are happy! If you feel like telling your partner you love them 20 times a day, just because that's honestly how often you think about them, then tell them. Fix things that are broken, instead of antagonizing the situation just so you can hurt the other. Because why would we ever want to hurt someone we love? Forgive easily, and with grace. Apologize when necessary without needing to be asked.
Every day think of something you can say or do that will bring joy to your partner.
You think about things to do that will bring joy to your children, like painting, going to the park etc, so why not do the same for your lover? Show them love in every way that you can; let them feel it when you give their shoulder a squeeze as you walk past, whisper sweet nothings to them as they drift off to sleep, make their favourite meal just because you know they've had a hard day at work.
Love cultivates love. 
But love isn't just all the mushy stuff. It's not only the recognition of all the good qualities you see in each other, it's also the acceptance, and the understanding of those which are not so favourable.
Humans make mistakes. We all do stupid things. Why would you want to harbor hatred over the mistake of a lover, when instead you can forgive them, love them, and work with them to mend any bridges, and reconcile any issues.

We don't abandon people we truly love, we accept them for all their incredible qualities, and all of their imperfections.
I honestly believe (now that I have reached an age where I can recognize these things), that anytime a person throws their hands in the air and does something deliberately malicious, they do not really love their partner.
They may think they do, may even honestly believe it. But they do not have the capacity as of yet to fully appreciate or process all the things that are involved with such a loaded emotion.

My Man and I fight. We are no different to any other couple in that regard. But I have noticed, upon reflection, that there are fundamental differences in the way we fight, in comparison to any other relationship I have ever been involved in.
When we fight we do not demean each other, or bring up things from the past.
We do not resort to emotional, or physical abuse.
In actual fact, we end up racked with concern for the others well being - even though it is they who have inflicted the pain.

The last fight we had ripped my heart out. I was deeply hurt, and yet in under 2 hours we were hugging, and telling one another how much we loved each other. I had told him I forgave him, and I was actually feeling physically pained at the sight of him being so upset. The realization of how gravely he had hurt me had sent him into a state of total remorse and sorrow - and I hated to see the person I loved so much in so much pain.

The fight previous to that one was a situation where I was most definitely in the wrong. I had hurt him greatly, and once realizing this, I immediately apologized, and told him how much I loved him. He then told me he forgave me and that he loved me. Then we spoke about what had happened, what we could do to fix the situation, and things we could put in place to prevent a similar situation ever happening again.

We love each other for all our faults, and for all the ways in which we have the potential to grow.
We are lucky enough to both want to grow together, and to keep listening and learning from eachother until we are both old and grey.
We accept eachother for everything we are. Good and bad.
Our love is a promise to never give up, to always support, to speak up when one of us is acting like an arsehole, and give gratitude when one of us is acting like an angel.

Love is constantly evolving, and as such, must be nurtured and cared for.
It is only then, in my most humble of late-night-ranty opinions, that we can finally find the truth, contentment, bliss and absolute gratitude, that comes with the wondrous force that is love.