I had been waiting for the 19th of November with
baited breath. I had known for just over a week that I would be induced at 37
weeks (due to SPD) and I was super excited.
To know the date I would meet my son was a totally new experience.
My eldest son had come along when he felt like it (which was after weeks of pre-labour, followed by three days of early labour, with me only dilating to 2 cm).
My daughter was induced, but I didn’t know that was going to happen.
I had been uneasy for 3 days, thinking I was leaking a type of fluid, but as I was in no pain I ignored it.
After those 3 days, I finally went to the hospital to have it checked. It was amniotic fluid. My waters had been broken for three days, and my daughter had no intention of going anywhere. Since after 72 hours the risk of infection is very high, they induced me right away.
But to have a date to circle in the calendar? To know for a fact that I would be holding my son by that day? It was incredible. And nerve racking.
I barely slept the night before. I was a bundle of nerves. Soon I would be a Mummy again! And Luke would be a Daddy for the first time!
So the morning arrived. I was up at 5am, awkwardly showering, eating breakfast, and stressing that I had forgotten to pack something, even though I had gone over the list a million times.
We arrived at Birth Suite at 7am. After chats with the Midwife, Doctor and Anaesthetist, we had a plan of action. They would break my waters now, and start me on a saline drip. Then, at 9am the anaesthetist would insert the epidural, and begin the Syntocinon (the artificial hormone that causes contractions). Seeing as with my daughter’s induction I had gone from 4cm-10cm in 25 minutes, the docs decided it would be best to get me numb before they started the Syntocinon.
I was absolutely beside myself about the epidural. I had never had one before.
I like to move when I’m in pain, and I had birthed both my kids standing up, so the idea of having to stay lying down and bed ridden scared me. I kept reminding myself that I wouldn’t need to move around, as I wouldn’t be in pain. Plus, the pain in my pelvis and back was now so severe that the very thought of having to push a baby through there made me feel light headed and sick.
9am came. The epidural experience was weird. I leant forward, cuddling a pillow and holding Luke’s hand. The anaesthetist was really lovely, and even though she had already explained everything to me, she continued to explain everything again as she was doing it so I wouldn’t be as nervous.
She washed my back with the antiseptic, and placed the sterile plastic over me. She then used a tiny needle to insert the local anaesthetic. It stung just a little, but I felt it working almost right away.
Then came the big epidural needle. Wow. What a bizarre feeling. It did not hurt going in, but felt very uncomfortable and irksome. I made sooky noises and squeezed Luke’s hand tight. I could feel everything, but there was no pain. That is a very difficult message for your brain to process. All I knew was that I didn’t like it. But very quickly the needle was out and just the tube was left. She started to insert the numbing drugs. My feet felt weird. Then I felt really hot. And then I felt dizzy and sick. Urgh.
Everything was quickly finalised at my back, and then they lay me back down on the bed. Within 10 minutes I felt much better. No fever, no nausea, no pain.
From my chest down I felt no pain! I could still move (albeit with a little difficulty, as my legs felt heavy) and I could still feel everything, but absolutely no pain.
You must understand, I had been in horrific pain (even 'at rest’ - laying still) for the past 20 weeks. And now, all of a sudden, nothing! I was in bliss!
I was so comfortable, that I napped, played Pokemon on my 3DS, and snacked on chips and dim sims.
But my body was being stubborn. It wasn’t responding well to the Syntocinon. The contractions I was having (that I couldn’t feel – what a new experience!) were not strong enough to be doing their job, and were far too short.
After many hours of increasingly larger does, my Syntocinon drip was set to max. This worked.
At 1.30pm I was declared ‘In Labour’.
I napped a little more, and chatted with the midwife about our favourite show One Born Every Minute (both of us agreeing we like the UK version best).
Suddenly I was struck with intense pain in the left side of my belly. I knew this pain. This was a knock-you-off-your-feet contraction. It was so strange to be numb on the right side of my belly (at this stage I couldn’t even feel or move my right leg), but feel everything on the left side. I reverted to my previous birth experiences and breathed through the pain while the midwife called in backup, and discussed calling the anaesthetist back so she could fix the epidural (the theory being it was favouring one side too much as it was on an angle).
Then she paused. Remembering how quickly I had dilated with my daughter, she decided to check my progress.
Gloves were applied, lamp set in place, modesty sheet draped across me, and she placed my legs in a position so she could check (they could not use stirrups as it would strain my pelvic muscles too much).
”Wow…Luke, would you like to see your baby’s head?”
He was right there. That’s why I was suddenly hurting.
Luke had a peek, while I shrieked “Nooo! You can’t un-see that!” and the midwives laughed.
They told me with the next contraction I was to push.
The next one came, and I pushed. I was told to stop – his head was already out!
Then, without any help from me, the midwives eased him out. Apparently I had a 7 second delivery time.
It was absolutely incredible to be able to feel him coming out without the pain. With the pain in my previous births, I was just trying to push through it. This time I could really focus on every aspect.
I will always remember the way it felt as I birthed him. It was amazing.
”Tara, look down!” there he was, my tiny Little Love.
He was put straight on my skin while the midwife rubbed him with a towel then covered him in a blanket. Luke and I kissed, and stared in wonder at our tiny man. He didn’t cry, he just looked around, checked out his surroundings, then snuggled into my chest, using his tiny arms like a pillow (like I do!) and went back to sleep!
He was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
Pink and purple, with vernix all over. He was like berries and cream.
Because of the chronic depression in my past, I didn’t have those amazing feelings at the births of my other children. I’d always regretted that, that I never felt that burst of love and awe. I feel it for them now of course (cause I don’t live in crazy town anymore), but the fact that my subconscious has suppressed most of my memories of their first few months has always saddened me.
But here I was, with my wonderful Luke by my side, and my incredible Little Love snoozing on my chest.
I felt like my heart could explode!
Luke cut the cord, and the midwives delivered the placenta and began to clean me up. No stitches – hooray!
I was surprisingly exhausted, and I was overwhelmed with joyful emotions.
I fell asleep while the midwives kept cleaning, and Luke started making phone calls, telling everyone the good news.
Little Love and I napped together, in our own little World, in the eye of the storm.
I have never felt more at Peace then I did at that moment.
I have had three very different birth experiences, all amazing in their own right, but this time had to be the most beautiful. It wasn't because I couldn’t feel pain (even though that was interesting), but because for the first time, I was present in the moment.
I was a part of the experience - physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Laying there, with my baby of berries and cream, him clinging to my necklace, and me with my arms wrapped around his tiny body (all 2.8 kilos of it), both of us so comfortable and in love with each other that we could sleep while the noise and lights surrounded us – it really was the most perfect moment I could ever imagine.
To know the date I would meet my son was a totally new experience.
My eldest son had come along when he felt like it (which was after weeks of pre-labour, followed by three days of early labour, with me only dilating to 2 cm).
My daughter was induced, but I didn’t know that was going to happen.
I had been uneasy for 3 days, thinking I was leaking a type of fluid, but as I was in no pain I ignored it.
After those 3 days, I finally went to the hospital to have it checked. It was amniotic fluid. My waters had been broken for three days, and my daughter had no intention of going anywhere. Since after 72 hours the risk of infection is very high, they induced me right away.
But to have a date to circle in the calendar? To know for a fact that I would be holding my son by that day? It was incredible. And nerve racking.
I barely slept the night before. I was a bundle of nerves. Soon I would be a Mummy again! And Luke would be a Daddy for the first time!
So the morning arrived. I was up at 5am, awkwardly showering, eating breakfast, and stressing that I had forgotten to pack something, even though I had gone over the list a million times.
We arrived at Birth Suite at 7am. After chats with the Midwife, Doctor and Anaesthetist, we had a plan of action. They would break my waters now, and start me on a saline drip. Then, at 9am the anaesthetist would insert the epidural, and begin the Syntocinon (the artificial hormone that causes contractions). Seeing as with my daughter’s induction I had gone from 4cm-10cm in 25 minutes, the docs decided it would be best to get me numb before they started the Syntocinon.
I was absolutely beside myself about the epidural. I had never had one before.
I like to move when I’m in pain, and I had birthed both my kids standing up, so the idea of having to stay lying down and bed ridden scared me. I kept reminding myself that I wouldn’t need to move around, as I wouldn’t be in pain. Plus, the pain in my pelvis and back was now so severe that the very thought of having to push a baby through there made me feel light headed and sick.
9am came. The epidural experience was weird. I leant forward, cuddling a pillow and holding Luke’s hand. The anaesthetist was really lovely, and even though she had already explained everything to me, she continued to explain everything again as she was doing it so I wouldn’t be as nervous.
She washed my back with the antiseptic, and placed the sterile plastic over me. She then used a tiny needle to insert the local anaesthetic. It stung just a little, but I felt it working almost right away.
Then came the big epidural needle. Wow. What a bizarre feeling. It did not hurt going in, but felt very uncomfortable and irksome. I made sooky noises and squeezed Luke’s hand tight. I could feel everything, but there was no pain. That is a very difficult message for your brain to process. All I knew was that I didn’t like it. But very quickly the needle was out and just the tube was left. She started to insert the numbing drugs. My feet felt weird. Then I felt really hot. And then I felt dizzy and sick. Urgh.
Everything was quickly finalised at my back, and then they lay me back down on the bed. Within 10 minutes I felt much better. No fever, no nausea, no pain.
From my chest down I felt no pain! I could still move (albeit with a little difficulty, as my legs felt heavy) and I could still feel everything, but absolutely no pain.
You must understand, I had been in horrific pain (even 'at rest’ - laying still) for the past 20 weeks. And now, all of a sudden, nothing! I was in bliss!
I was so comfortable, that I napped, played Pokemon on my 3DS, and snacked on chips and dim sims.
But my body was being stubborn. It wasn’t responding well to the Syntocinon. The contractions I was having (that I couldn’t feel – what a new experience!) were not strong enough to be doing their job, and were far too short.
After many hours of increasingly larger does, my Syntocinon drip was set to max. This worked.
At 1.30pm I was declared ‘In Labour’.
I napped a little more, and chatted with the midwife about our favourite show One Born Every Minute (both of us agreeing we like the UK version best).
Suddenly I was struck with intense pain in the left side of my belly. I knew this pain. This was a knock-you-off-your-feet contraction. It was so strange to be numb on the right side of my belly (at this stage I couldn’t even feel or move my right leg), but feel everything on the left side. I reverted to my previous birth experiences and breathed through the pain while the midwife called in backup, and discussed calling the anaesthetist back so she could fix the epidural (the theory being it was favouring one side too much as it was on an angle).
Then she paused. Remembering how quickly I had dilated with my daughter, she decided to check my progress.
Gloves were applied, lamp set in place, modesty sheet draped across me, and she placed my legs in a position so she could check (they could not use stirrups as it would strain my pelvic muscles too much).
”Wow…Luke, would you like to see your baby’s head?”
He was right there. That’s why I was suddenly hurting.
Luke had a peek, while I shrieked “Nooo! You can’t un-see that!” and the midwives laughed.
They told me with the next contraction I was to push.
The next one came, and I pushed. I was told to stop – his head was already out!
Then, without any help from me, the midwives eased him out. Apparently I had a 7 second delivery time.
It was absolutely incredible to be able to feel him coming out without the pain. With the pain in my previous births, I was just trying to push through it. This time I could really focus on every aspect.
I will always remember the way it felt as I birthed him. It was amazing.
”Tara, look down!” there he was, my tiny Little Love.
He was put straight on my skin while the midwife rubbed him with a towel then covered him in a blanket. Luke and I kissed, and stared in wonder at our tiny man. He didn’t cry, he just looked around, checked out his surroundings, then snuggled into my chest, using his tiny arms like a pillow (like I do!) and went back to sleep!
He was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
Pink and purple, with vernix all over. He was like berries and cream.
Because of the chronic depression in my past, I didn’t have those amazing feelings at the births of my other children. I’d always regretted that, that I never felt that burst of love and awe. I feel it for them now of course (cause I don’t live in crazy town anymore), but the fact that my subconscious has suppressed most of my memories of their first few months has always saddened me.
But here I was, with my wonderful Luke by my side, and my incredible Little Love snoozing on my chest.
I felt like my heart could explode!
Luke cut the cord, and the midwives delivered the placenta and began to clean me up. No stitches – hooray!
I was surprisingly exhausted, and I was overwhelmed with joyful emotions.
I fell asleep while the midwives kept cleaning, and Luke started making phone calls, telling everyone the good news.
Little Love and I napped together, in our own little World, in the eye of the storm.
I have never felt more at Peace then I did at that moment.
I have had three very different birth experiences, all amazing in their own right, but this time had to be the most beautiful. It wasn't because I couldn’t feel pain (even though that was interesting), but because for the first time, I was present in the moment.
I was a part of the experience - physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Laying there, with my baby of berries and cream, him clinging to my necklace, and me with my arms wrapped around his tiny body (all 2.8 kilos of it), both of us so comfortable and in love with each other that we could sleep while the noise and lights surrounded us – it really was the most perfect moment I could ever imagine.
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