I have tried to make it spontaneously combust using the power of my mind - but I am yet to be successful.
Seeing as I cannot get up the stairs without help and/or immense pain, (coupled with a very vocal array of pained squeals and moans) I have made myself a bedroom/fort/office in our lounge room.
Both couches are pushed together and are covered in pillows and blankets. The coffee table has been moved into a bedhead-like position, so I can have my laptop (best loan ever, thanks to 2 of my besties S&S), medicines, water bottle, never ending pregnancy snacks, books ect, all in easy reach.
Luke has given up sleeping upstairs in our very, very comfy bed, and has chosen to sleep on the couch next to me. The smaller, 2-seater couch. He's pretty incredible.
The children have therefore decided that they don't want their beds any more either, and have laid claim to our bed upstairs. They seem incredibly stoked at the idea of sleeping in Mummy and Luke's bed every night (I don't blame them, this bed is amazing), and so they have reign of the upstairs at night, and every morning they creep downstairs and cuddle up with us on the couch-fort.
Now, seeing as until they come downstairs in the morning (normally as soon as they wake up) they are unsupervised, they have discovered they have ample opportunity to go through things in the master bedroom.
So, this morning, the little darlings come downstairs, and are laughing and playing.
At some point they ask for a snack, and, as we always do when they ask nicely, we give them permission to go to the pantry and get something out of the 'snack box'.
It must have been at this point that they put something in the pantry, that they had smuggled downstairs.
It was around midday that I asked Luke for something to eat from the pantry, and was met with,
"Uh, Baby? Why is this in here?"
Now, I have tried to fancy-up this image, but lets not lose sight of what it really is - That is a pink dildo. Between noodles and packet soup. In the pantry. A sex toy next to food. That is my facilitator of adult entertainment, placed casually next to late night snacks. There is a dildo in my pantry!
After recovering our composure, we were forced to have a conversation with the Master and Miss.
"Did someone bring something down from Mummy and Luke's room?", I ask.
"Yes. I found a pink rocket under your bed!", exclaims Master 4.
"It's not a rocket, it's something that is only for grown-ups. You don't touch it again, OK?"
"OK. I wont. Only for grown-ups...But Mum...What does it do?"
Oh God. What do I say? I didn't want to say it was a toy, as I felt this would make it forbidden fruit.
I was drawing a complete blank.
All the while Luke was holding the 'pink rocket' out in front of him, clearly trying to aid in my explanation, while I was floating somewhere between wanting to burst out laughing, and trying to remain serious.
In the end I resorted to the age-old parenting favourite,
"Just don't touch it again, because I said so! All right?!"
Master 4 agreed, as did Miss 3. Luke took the now-out-of-bounds-mystery-grown-up-thing up stairs, and I started to giggle on the couch as I edited the photo.
So, we can add situations like this to the list of -
Things You're Never Warned About When Becoming A Parent.
Children will discover your adult-only possessions.
They will want to know what they are.
You are going to have to have that awkward conversation.
And you have to be prepared, because they will hide them in strange places.
.....They may even put them in your pantry.
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